We sat in our seats while Clara looked on to the stage of her first cello concert and announced there was no way she was going to go down there and stand in front of all these people. Even the little ones with their pretend cellos participate in the Christmas concert. She decided it was all a bit too much. I gave her the 'talk'. It was filled with statements like how once she was up there she would be excited to show the audience her bowing song, and how there was nothing to be afraid of she was going to do a wonderful job no matter what, and how all the kids get up there each year to show the parents what they've been working hard on all year, and how fun it is to be a part of such a wonderful concert! No way. Then I quietly mentioned the plates and plates of treats and sweets we walked by in the lobby were for the children who came to participate in the concert. She looked at me and smiled. "Really?" You bet. Done.
A Little Lesson:Technically it was not a bribe, rather a mentioning of the unknown. I am glad there are many hours and many days and many weeks and many months and many years in which to raise our children so that when we dip into parenting strategies we swore we would never use, that over time, our good parenting strategies, perhaps with a little luck, will outweigh our bad.
Clara I am so proud of you bowing at your concert. You also look so pretty in your new dress. I look forward to seeing you in a future cello concert. Love Auntie Shauna
ReplyDeleteShell! It amazing what you and I wont do for a lot of goodies!!!
ReplyDeleteI heard this once in a parenting class & it was very enlightening for me...
ReplyDeleteDefinition of "bribery":"The offering, giving, receiving, or soliciting of something of value for the purpose of influencing the action of an official in the discharge of his or her public or legal duties."
Therefore, it isn't possible for an adult parent to "bribe" an underage child - unless that child is some sort of prodigy & became a judge, or politician or something :)
Parenting is all about "making deals" - even Heavenly Father makes deals with us as his children: D&C 20:77 "...that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee... that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given them; that they may always have his Spirit to be with them."
Deal?? Sounds like it to me :)
No guilt should ever be felt in the situation you just shared :)
Congratulations, Clara on your first recital!
What are you talking about?? I live by the way of threats and bribes - oh I mean consequences and rewards, aren't incentives part of the parenting plan? Some of you are obviously more thoughtful in your parenting than me - maybe that is why I am in therapy!
ReplyDeleteWay to go Clara!
I didn't think Kate would even get on the stage last spring for her dance recital - I thought she would freeze in the wings and refuse to budge. She danced her little heart out with a smile from ear to ear and then all the way to the car - with eyes all on her. She didn't want to take her costume or tap shoes off all afternoon as we ate out and shopped. She surprised the heck out of me!
PS - I didn't threaten or bribe her for that either!
Hey - I am making deals left and right over here...no worries about that -What I'm not a big fan of the "if you do this I'll give you a cookie." I like to keep food out of deal making as I think from my own experience, which is an ongoing lengthy saga, food shouldn't be given such a heightened status as it already has in our society. I sure appreciate you all making feel better though - very nice of ya!!!
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