Speechless

I have found myself for the past two days unable to summarize the events of the day or select a particular story to tell that I would like recorded for my great grand children to hear. Perhaps it is because there are too many to choose from, perhaps it is the mandate I made long ago to write short and concise entries which at this moment seems impossible or perhaps it is that I am exhausted. I want to write a post about the dozens and dozens of people I know from around my stake who have come day after day after day to help bring the Festival of Nativities out of its storage boxes and into the world of majestic. I would like to write a post about my dedicated friends and family members who have taken, watched, fed, practiced, and played with my children for the past two weeks when I have not been able to. I would like to write a post of what it is like to hear music you have gently molded in your head for continuous months finally be performed in front of an audience of people who have come to hear it. I would like to write a post of what it is like to have your daughter's violin teacher accept the invitation to come to the production and hear and see the reason her little student, my daughter, has arrived somewhat unpracticed for the past two weeks. Finally I would like to write a post about the moments of discouragement, utter exhaustion and crises that have accompanied some of the hours dedicated to putting on such an event as this, that have been tempered by prayer and the answers that have followed. One sentence for each of these personal and historical moments does not seem adequate but it is all I am able to muster at the moment.

A Little Lesson:
Writing your personal history as you are living it has at times required the energy of heart and mind in a way that I never really imagined. I am knew to this world of record keeping and I continue to marvel at the powerful influence it has on my life.

Lost and Found

Yesterday morning in the car on the way to her friends house Clara says to me:
"Mom, Brynna's friend Guya lost her voice!"
"She did?
"Yep, she ran and ran and ran around her school and she lost it."
"Oh no, that's not very good."
"Nope"
"Is she going to be okay?"
"Oh ya, she' going to be okay cause she found it again, it was at the stake center."

A Little Lesson:
These days, with the amount of stake center time in my day, I could probably find most of the things I've lost there too.

The Big One

Last night from 4:30pm to 10:30pm fifty people gathered to sing their little hearts out for our final rehearsal! It was something of a marathon with all of the cast and chorus in their Bethlehem robes and prepared soprano, alto, tenor, bass voices. There were costume issues and blocking issues and sound issues and light issues, a few note issues and a few more issues I can't think of right now...but it was something else to hear everyone perform the pieces so beautifully.

A Little Lesson:
But my favourite part of the day was when I arrived home that evening and Craig told me our little Clara had said to him while they ate some food together, "Dad I really want to keep you, you are a really good maker." I am grateful for my hubby who clearly cooks well enough to impress some of the world's fiercest critiques....our children.

Just a Little Longer

For the past many many months a large part of my thinking space has been completely devoted to the upcoming preparation of the celebration of the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Sometimes it has required intense prayer, concentration and focus as I have had to finish lyrics and melodies that have been swirling around in my head for so long. I have thought so much about Mary and the birth that she endured in such humble circumstances. I have thought so much about Joseph and the great responsibility he carried as the surrogate earthly father of the son of God. I have thought deeply about the shepherds and the wisemen and the animals and the angels. I feel nervous that all the preparations will come together, but more than that I feel excitement and anticipation the same way you do when someone close to you is about to have a baby. I know there are people all over the world preparing for this same celebration...the birth of Christ. I feel so fortunate to be part of something so devoted to His lowly entry into this world.

A Little Lesson:
Today we will move boxes, hang stars, iron curtains, string lights, rehearse songs, phone rental companies and drive all over town...and then it will be one day closer. Just a little longer...

Not Pretending

Rest position........................................ Bowing

Standing position

Playing position

Clara is moving along nicely with her cello lessons these days. The Suzuki program teaches that children need to learn the important technique and posture using a pretend instrument before they are able to master the real one. This naturally builds anticipation and excitement for when they will one day have an actual cello in their little hands, as well as helps the children learn to handle the instrument, before the expensive one comes on the scene. Clara's pretend cello has had a few 'incidents' in the car to which I quietly thanked Dr. Suzuki, may he rest in peace, for his genius idea of preparing the child and the siblings for the real thing.

A Little Lesson:
For Clara, and all the children in the class, there is nothing pretend about the pretend cello. This is serious business. She plucks her black hockey tape strings, holds the tar paper covered neck, and sits with pride each time she plays her 'made from a cardboard box' cello. It is when my sweet make-believing, imaginating, world inventing, and daily creating little four-year-old joins us in the real world and plays her pretend cello!

Little Answers Everywhere

I arrived at my mom's house at 6:00pm to pick up Benjamin and Clara after taking Emily and Jordan to their music lessons and she sent me home with a hot dinner all ready made to feed the family. Perfect! I knew I would have a tough time getting everyone home, fed, ready for bed, a quick - make the house look presentable, and answer ten urgent emails in the hour and a half before a good looking cello and violin came over for a rehearsal at eight. Thanks Mom. This is one of about thirty things that have happened over the past week or so that I have thought, Heavenly Father, I feel your orchestrated blessings.

A Little Lesson:
When Craig came home from his stake presidency meeting he said, "President Walker prayed for you in the prayer tonight." I responded, "I know."

Sorting it Out

I spent most of the day at the stake center cutting out huge bolts of black fabric into 27 foot pieces. This was a mindless job, so I spent a lot of time listening to Clara and her buddy Mia play. They found three balls, two hula hoops and a miniature pup tent which managed to entertain them for the several hours they were there trapped in the big gym. They played store, and train and monsters and ponies and house and school and spies and warriors. They had to take turns being the oldest, the mommy, the driver, the bad guy, the good guy, the victim and the hero. It meant lots and lots of sorting it out. Sometimes it required the odd "that's not fair" and a couple of "I'm not playing then" but for the most part it was smooth sailing.

A Little Lesson:
I am grateful for the resilience, flexibility, creativity, endurance, and stamina that little children are magically built with. We could all learn a few things here.

Both Ends

Sunday was a bit of a marathon. Starting at 4am to delivering bulletin inserts with my die hard buddy Niki, who is still recovering from surgery by the way, to all the buildings in our stake! Continuing on with church, meetings, phone calls and the big finale rehearsal that meant we didn't leave the building until late that night. I like to wake up early, I don't like to stay up late. My candle is burning far too bright at the moment!

A Little Lesson:
I've come to discover the real reason we shouldn't burn our candles at both ends is not just because it burns up the candle faster but think of the mess it makes when the candle is turned on it's side, wax dripping everywhere. That is how I feel when I don't use my evenings to recover from my early mornings, mess is an understatement to what starts happening to the surroundings around me. Thank you Craig my love who tackled kitchen dishes and Lisa who tackled neighbourhood childcare!!! I was grateful to come home to an internet that didn't seem to be working which meant no emails, no blogging, no computer, just rest.

Cheat Sheet

If you asked anyone in this Canadian country of ours what some of the things that Obama and McCain stood for, a majority of us would be able to come up with a pretty decent list. However, if you asked those same people who David Cadman, Kim Capri, Ian Robertson or Marty Zlatnik were, they would most likely have no clue. And so is goes with municiple elections. I am grateful for a son who happened to be studying the election in social studies and took a keen interest in who was running and what their platforms were. The conversation went something like this...

"Mom Dad today is the municiple election, are you guys going to vote?"
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, sure we could do that."
"Can I come with you guys?"
"Sure"
Jordan noticing the bewildered look on his parents face continues,
"Do you want me to sit down with you guys and fill you in on who to vote for?"
"Would you mind?"
"No problem."

Not only did our boy explain to us his reasons for aligning himself with the various candidates he decided his parents needed a cheat sheet to take into the voting booth, as he didn't trust that we would remember the names of the people he was filling us in on.

A Little Lesson:
He didn't align himself with a party, but rather looked carefully at each track record and platform of the candidates. He understood that it matters what people do as well as what they say. If half of the people in our city took the time that it takes to understand who will in fact be making the decisions in our community on our behalf, we would all be in a better place. Thank you my boy for your fine example of community spirit!

Devoted

I met with my devoted team last night at the stake center. I love my team. Niki, Alyson, Barb and Julianne will also be spending hundreds of hours during creche week doing the creche thing just like me. This year we have another honorary member, and that would be Bro. McCulloch, just as devoted and just as fun. I don't just love them for their pure devotion to the cause, but how much we laugh and laugh and laugh when we are together. It is the only way we can all bear that many hours inside a concrete floor building setting up day after day after day. But we also are all addicted to the incredible spirit that is there when all the thousands of tree branches, silk table clothes, manger scenes, garland, lights, wreaths and bows are all in their proper place. The projector turns on, images of Mary and baby Jesus are illuminated on a twenty foot screen, the music begins to play...it is breathtaking. We rarely complain when we have to spend that many hours inside something so glorious, so beautiful and so peaceful.

A Little Lesson:
Some of my favourite friends are the ones who I have served with and spent zillions of hours preparing for camp, trek, supersaturday's, youth conferences, talent shows, and now the festival of nativities. There is a lifelong sisterhood that is shared when you give your time and talents along side others who are doing the same. It buoys you up when the task at hand seems so large and sometimes so impossible. For me it is the mechanics of how the gospel moves from the pages of the scriptures to the everyday lives of the members. Serving in whatever way we can to improve the lives of others is how millions of people all over the world continue to increase their faith and endure to the end.

Lucky 13

Last night we celebrated our one month anniversary of walking through the magical gates of Disneyland and thus we ate chocolate chip mickey mouse pancakes with chocolate chip chunk ice cream on top for dinner. We reminisced of favourite characters, rides and adventures and it was like we were back in the magic. I saw the plates in the disney store the night we were saying goodbye to Disneyland and I thought, mmmmm I know a way that can make this trip last a really long time. I explained to the kids how 13 is usually an unlucky number but for us the 13th of each month will always be super lucky! Clara didn't understand the superstition conversation, but she was eating ice cream for dinner and life was good!

A Little Lesson:
Breakfast food for dinner is always a hit. Breakfast and dessert food for dinner, the words "mom you rule" float freely and plentifully around the dinner table. It almost makes the "ewwww, sniff sniff, do I have to eat all of this, how many bites do I have to eat" nights almost disappear completely from my consciousness.

Wish List

This morning I woke up to an email from my son. It was his Christmas wish list. It was a standard asking of things. He signed it like this....

YOUR AMAZING, STUPENDOUS, INCREDIBLE, OUTSTANDING, SUPERSMART, LOVING, COOL, AWESOME, OUTRAGEOUS, SWEET, SUPER, SUPERB, EXCELLENT, COMICAL, HILARIOUS, CHARMING, HANDSOME, MASTERFUL, FANTASTIC, FANTASTICAL, HAPPY, JOYFUL, PIANO PRACTICER, TRENDY, ROCKIN', BRIGHT, ATHLETIC, CANADIAN WANTS TO BE AUSTRALIAN, NICE TO SISTERS, BOLD, BRAVE ETC. SON,

J O R D A N G R A N T M U R L E Y!!!!

My eleven year old boy doesn't seem to be lacking in any confidence or self worth.

A Little Lesson:
I think all of us adults under the umbrella of humility ought to think as highly of ourselves as my young son. At what point in life is it that we stop believing these things about ourselves and sign our letters Yours Truly? Mistakes, failures, and unexpected turn of events sometimes knock us down and we head out of the ring of champions. Yesterday my dear Colleen sent me this great quote:

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Hang on Tight

(This is a song I wrote for Emily and her primary class to sing in the Festival of Nativities)

We are losing another incredible family to the 'moving away epidemic' that seems to have plagued our lives for the past three months! The Milads are moving to Port Coquitlam and my kids are shell shocked by the news. Anthony and Jordan have been best friends since they were about one and a half. Emily, Ariyana and Alexa have been inseparable since they realized if they ask hard enough we will let them come over to each others houses to enjoy the sabbath day together. Clara and Austen have a love/dislike thing going, but that's their age and it's pretty adorable to watch. Benjamin and Ashlyn didn't even get a chance! This is a good move for my buddy Lisa, who at at the moment commutes an hour every day to take her six children off to the school that she owns and runs. When I heard however, it felt like we had all just lost our best friends. They have been down the road having kids that match up with mine year after year for what seems like forever. Sam and Craig even share the same birthday!

A Little Lesson:
We told our kids the sad news of the Milad's move when we were in the RV heading down to Disneyland. Jordan thought we must be joking as the news just didn't seem like something he could believe or even handle. I explained to them how we will have to hang on tight to our friendships with them. A busy life is a fierce competitor to long distant friendships and so they will have to be vigilant about connecting with their buddies. My knuckles are white with how many friends I am trying to hang on to as they all seem to be moving away. I am once again, grateful for technology that makes communicating so possible and the Plan of Salvation that makes friendships so eternal.

Remember

Today is Remembrance day here in Canada. We all stop to remember the millions of Canadian soldiers who went to fight for the freedom we enjoy every single day. The dreary rain falling right now seems to compliment this day perfectly. It was an ugly time when the whole world went to war. Pretty soon we will no longer have people who live on this earth who will be able to tell us what it was like when millions of soldiers lost their lives in senseless war...and then we will truly need to remember.

A Little Lesson:
The word remember packs a lot of punch. Our stake president's family mission statement is simply the word "Remember". If we could all just remember the the things our parents have taught us. Remember the mistakes we have made so next time we can do better. Remember the people we have met along the way that have influenced our lives for good. Remember the history our country has endured and vow to never make those mistakes again. Let us all remember!

When I Grow Up

(Playing school, playing house and playing primary chorister)

"Mom when I grow up I want to be a mommy" announces four year old Clara. "That sounds great." I reply. "So I need you to keep your clothes so I will have something to wear and give me all your money....I will need money too."

A Little Lesson:
After paying the music academy bill last month, I've decided she's right, it does take lots and lots and lots of money to be a mommy.

Going South

I wasn't sure we would be able to pull it off, but with my buddy Song Hee taking Clara, my mom taking Benjamin, and Craig getting the kids off to school, I woke up at 3:30am and met Sariah at the top of 176th street in Langley and we headed to the temple. The last few times Craig has gone with the stake I have stayed home with the gang. I thought if I could squeeze a quick trip in before all the Festival of Nativity's bullet train leaves the station I would be in such a better place. Good decision. We had such a wonderful time discussing all of the joys and heartaches of motherhood, wifehood, and lifehood. We were home just in time to pick the kids up from school and back we were into the grind before we could blink!

A Little Lesson:
It's like diving into the deep end of a cool refreshing pool on a hot summer day. You no longer hear the squeals and laughter on the surface, it's quiet. You float slowly and purposefully and can hear yourself thinking. Not much has changed but everything feels different. When you finally come to the surface, you think...let's do that again.

Phone Call

A woman named Grace phoned her friend who was a lawyer, who phoned his friend who owned a charity, who told his wife who thought of me and I got a phone call. "Shelley," she said, "There is a film company who is getting rid of all of their costumes and they have many shepherd/wiseman looking authentic costumes that you may have for free if you are able to go down to the set right away...if your interested." Clara didn't have time to buckle her shoes I was in the car so fast and zoomed to a lot underneath the 2nd narrows bridge. My eyes could hardly believe what I beheld. A huge warehouse full of clothes from the movies as a wonderful lady named Grace said to me..."take whatever you need.' How it is possible for us to be blessed in such intricately orchestrated ways is beyond my comprehension. Although I have Rachel and Gail working hard at helping me get costumes ready for this upcoming event, offsetting their work by having twenty robes/sashes and gear already done is an unbelievably a heavy load lifted off my shoulders.

A Little Lesson:
I didn't even know what it was that I needed to pray for these days as I could feel the grip of this upcoming event getting tighter and tighter around me. I was worried about many things that desparately needed to come together if we were going to be successful. I am indeed grateful for prayers answered in ways I would have never begun to ask for...it was a blessing beyond belief. I feel humble and deeply grateful.

Happy Sighs

A Little Lesson:
Every time I bath Benjamin in the sink my kids reminisce. "I used to bath in the sink, didn't I Mom?" "Yep." And then they sigh like it was the good ol' days long forgotten. Benjamin is actually a walking scrapbook for each of my children. When I snuggle, sing to, turn upside down, or eat his toes, my children will often say..."Mom did you used to do that with me?" Their favourite answer..."of course" More happy sighs. It's good to be an older sibling.

Scenic Route

I though I would answer Judy's question from yesterday's blog...what do you do that makes car time so productive. What do I do ? Everything.

We sing.
Plan our upcoming days.
Talk about bad stuff that happens at school.
Talk about good stuff that happens at school.
Play skill testing questions games.
Sing silly songs we make up.
I fill them in on current events so they know what's going on in the world.
I point out things we see in Vancouver that reminds me of cool stories.
I ask Clara her letters, Emily multiplication and Jordan tricky spelling or geography.
I ask them questions that make them talk...a lot.
I review lessons we learned in Family Home Evening.
I review discipline they've received and how they feel now time has past.

If it's just Clara we count using a cookie monster voice, sing made up songs about cats, tell me your favourite part of _______. If it's Jordan and Emily I ask them provocative questions like is there anyone in your class that ever gets in trouble... Or if you could change three things about your life....they love to talk. If I could, I would host family home evening, church and dinner in the car. The kids are sitting in one spot, buckled in, with a scenic view out the window. I rarely turn the radio on and zone out. Did I mention the buckled in and can't move part? That's my favourite part. Next to sitting on their bed just before going to sleep, I think it is one of the most "I like to share how I really feel" times we've got going.

A Little Lesson:
The scenic view in life is really what you choose to look at. I took these picture a few weeks ago on a rainy day coming home from the academy, a drive I take many many times a month. If you look at the rain pouring down and the rush hour traffic it doesn't seem so scenic. However, if you notice the beautiful changing autumn trees all the way home, you would see how marvelous the drive home really is! They lined every street we drove down. So much so I grabbed my camera to take pictures while driving. For the record, I just held my camera up and pressed the button, I didn't look into the view finder or anything like that. (That disclaimer is for my husband.)

Pooling of the Car

We are in the thick of soccer practices these days. Jordan was selected with eleven other kids to play on what is called the Douglas Park Gold team last spring. About 85 kids tried out just before summer and they whittled it down to a team of twelve, in four separate competitive tryouts. This is his second year with this very dedicated and committed soccer club. With the little daylight we have left we were still practicing down the street from our home, which made two practices a week and a game every Saturday not feel too involved. However, as it is pitch black by 4:30pm these days, we now have to drive across town to get to some of the lit fields he will practice at until the spring. Across town means 30-40 minutes in the car each way. Usually if there is a committed kid on a committed team there is a committed mother standing off in the distance behind that kid, and in our case three other little committed people who are actually unaware of their commitment. In an effort not to have my younger children spend two afternoons a week inside a car for two hours while it rained, I did what every mother does when she needs to streamline her intricately scheduled life...set up some carpooling. I B-lined to another mom in the parking lot and after a quick "you know where I live, and I know where you live" conversation, we were in business!

A Little Lesson:
One lesson I know for sure, juggling piano, soccer, violin, scouts, cello and theory means learning to make your time in a car with your kids, productive, enjoyable and fun.

Gone to Bed

(Mary and Joseph stopped by a few nights ago.)

Every night this week after the kids go to bed, little groups of talented people will come over to my home and learn, practice and polish their songs. Yesterday, I sat in front of most of the people who will perform in the Festival of Nativities for our first finale rehearsal. They sounded spectacular. I am so grateful for this group of people. They love the gospel as much as I do and seem just as committed and willing to share their testimonies through their music as I do. What a treat to work with such people. Especially when you consider how unconventional I am when it comes to music, printing music, and composing music. My philosophy: the sheet music just reminds us what piece we're playing, now lets get playing so we can go and find the really good notes.

A Little Lesson:
Thank you Jordan, Emily, Clara and Benjamin for being such expert going to bedders these past few weeks. When you read this in twenty years from now, I want you to know it was this bedtime talent you have all developed that made it possible for mommy to serve the Lord.

Never Prepared

It's monster weekends like this one that no amount of preparation can really prepare you for the endurance required to execute Halloween and Stake Conference all in 72 short hours...

Friday:
Halloween...costumes, hair spray, candy apples, twenty five guests, clean up etc.
Saturday:
Putting final touches on nativity finale score.
Tackle post Halloween party mess.
Post Halloween blog video.
Go to Safeway for the red onion I forgot to buy at Superstore.
Put finishing touches on hymn arrangement for stake conference.
Jordan's soccer game.
Make buns and salad for stake presidency dinner.
Mount creche posters on large red backdrops.
Go to stake center early: rehearse with Julie,
cook risen buns illegally in church kitchen,
serve meal, set up mini creche display in both foyers,
listen to adult session of stake conference,
stay up really late getting ready for my first creche
rehearsal following stake conference the next day.
Sunday:
Wake up ridiculously early, tweak and print score for finale for creche rehearsal.
Run through musical number for stake conference.
Pack stake conference bag with things Clara and Benjamin haven't seen before.
Get all the gang dressed and ready for church.
Go early to meet with Julie to run through song one more time in the Relief Society room.
Sit through two hours of spiritually uplifting talks, including the one from my dear mate,
all while keeping our pew to a dull roar.
Accompany the exceptionally talented Julie D. on the piano as she sang Now Let Us All Rejoice.
Running my first creche rehearsal with all our cast and choir following conference.
Headed over to Milad's to pick up my older kids and eat their delicious food.
Head over to mom's to pick up my little guy and eat their delicious food.
I'm home exhausted and going to bed in three minutes.

A Little Lesson:
I love, and I mean LOVE in capital letters turning my clock back for daylight savings!

Change of Heart

The weening of the hallo is over and we are heading back to normal. It felt like we spent over a week trying on different costumes, wigs and gettups I will be grateful to put the bins away for another year. For us Canadians it's an open road to what I look forward to most...Christmas!

A Little Lesson:
It's official. I am starting to fall in love with Halloween. I used to boo hoo it (what a pun) because of it's connections to evil and dark and pagan worship and all that mumbo jumbo. I'm not sure when I went from 'this is so cool' as a kid to 'this is so evil' stuffy old person. I have had a complete change of heart. It is the one time a year, neighbours come out of their houses and wave to each other, and smiling children flood the streets with their parents. You see the moms of the kids at school and their teachers and their dentists and that neighbour you always see in the car, all weaving in and out of the neighbourhood. It was heart warming to see so many adults, even during economic hard times, standing in front of the halloween candy section at Superstore picking up bags and bags of sweets that they will share with total strangers who come to their door. It is actually a holiday of giving...